good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
