So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize