is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
