Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
