weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
