bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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