I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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