I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
