oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
