i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
