I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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