It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
