Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
