LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
