Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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