Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
