hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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