Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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