Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
