your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
