the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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