Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
