Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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