Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
