I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
