): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
