You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
