Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
