we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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