I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
