It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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