I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
