I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
