I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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