i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
accomplished twins. life is a go
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize