Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
did i just pee glitter
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