I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
