im about as happy as oj after his trial
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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