Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
