I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
