i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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