I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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