If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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