I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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