i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
