we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
