I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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