Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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