Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
