oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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