did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
