Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
