so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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