Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
