I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
