I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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