I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
