At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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