You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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