My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
