Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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