We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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