We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
