the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
