Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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