I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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