Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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