proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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