someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize