do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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