never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
