OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
