I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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