You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
