you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize