I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm passing your future prison.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
