Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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