no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
