"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Shame - the story of my life.
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