He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize