There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
