I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
