i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
