In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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