I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
