I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
