I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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