Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
