I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We smell like vodka and hangover
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