i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
