windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
