u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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