If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
