fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish you could order shots online.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
