its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
