she woke up with a sticky ear
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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