Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
false alarm. still invincible.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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