I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
