Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
