Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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