The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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