Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
