i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
