first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
