thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
