I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
