for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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