fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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