Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
