i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
