he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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