So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
