My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
