You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
