omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
