quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
