dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
