What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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